Mr. Litter's Anecdote

Mr. Litter

Long shaggy hair, the color of sand,
this was the man who littered the land.
A day at the zoo, he saw penguins and orangutans,
but was baffled when he could not spot a single trashcan. - rid of 'single'
So he threw his banana peel on the ground.

Gorillas and monkeys, you know, they’re different as can be.
If you can’t see that, well, you just pissed off a chimpanzee.
The innocent zoo monkeys, stuck in jail without parole,
when Mr. Litter dropped that banana peel, destiny was foretold.
So they climbed out of their cage.

Timothy Smith was young, just a quarter over two,
and this was his special first trip to Bluetown Zoo,
but the distorted animals frightened him, the way they looked,
and then two monkeys came and took a banana peel from under his foot!
So he started to cry.

His mother had been conversing with another zoo mom,
so busy chatting, she’d missed where young Timothy had gone,
until she looked around and heard him crying, then decided to leave.
They marched to her green Saturn, only to find the tires’ air had been freed.
So she called the police.

When policeman George Jeffries got the call about the car broken down,
he was at Krispy Kreme, bored and eating jelly donuts all alone.
Rather than having to do another lame job like driving all the way to the zoo,
Jeffries arrested the guy at the counter shouting, “Internal Service of Revenue!”
So he got his adventure.

The managers of Krispy Kreme were in dismay and shock
that their good ol’ boy-behind-the-counter had been such a crook.
They used the excuse to close the store on “personal holiday”
and their mad customers ran to Dunkin Donuts straight away.
So they went out of business.

If Wall Street believed USAir’s bankruptcy was tough,
They weren’t prepared for the end of Krispy Kreme’s 12,000 shops.
The Dow Jones flipped, NASDAQ hit the bottom of the rock,
colossal terror arose as people lost their stock.
So began the Good Depression.

Margaret Moore was afraid she’d lose all her money.
She fled to Europe looking for a rich man to marry.
In Germany, she found him, a politician, a natural leader, wealthy, handsome, and strong.
When people said he looked like a certain Adolf, she said comparing him to a dolphin was just wrong.
So she unknowingly married Hitler’s cousin’s mother’s dog’s sister’s owner’s aunt’s third grandfather’s son.


BWAHAHA.
That was so funny.
But when the Officer Jeffry part started the rhyming began to go a bit askew. So you should work on that because up until that point that poem was practically flawless.
I love the ending, where she marries a relative of Hitler (barely).
Edit this a little! Its so good!
KEEP WRITING!

Ohh...that was funny! Actually, halarious! I loved how you wrote that. It sounded like that one Bettle song which I can't remember the name to...anyways, can't wait to read more of your poems/stories.

Haha, I love both parts. I agree that the format is cool and really works for this style of poem. My only complaint was the few extra-long lines, it kind of threw off the tone and flow. But anyway, really entertaining, good job!

Thanks! I'm glad you liked it. I took your advice to finish it with Mr. Litter, so here's the end.


What Margaret Moore did not know was this little fact:
Though Hitler was dead, his family’s power remained intact.
They’d secretly been leading Germany, getting a large financial share.
When Margaret Moore realized this, she knew she could become an heir.
So she plotted an accident.

It happened on December 7, a quiet, peaceful night,
Margaret and her husband drove home after viewing local sights.
Suddenly she exclaimed, “Dog in the road!” causing her husband to stop and swerve.
They hit a tree and he died by dislocation of the dorsal hollow nerve.
So Margaret became leader of Germany.

When the U.S. found out Hitler’s heir had taken control of the throne,
Bush XIV decided Germany must be purged of this Margaret Moore.
He sent the troops abroad, only to accidentally give them a map of Vietnam.
However, his officers couldn’t read maps anyway, so they decided to invade Afghanistan.
So the U.S. had to elect a new President.

Since his acclaimed Krispy Kreme arrest, George Jeffries had achieved the fame few policemen do.
That’s why he ran for election as a Republicrat and moved onto Pennsylvania Avenue.
The depression had closed all the country’s zoos because the need for money had been extreme.
President Jeffries first big official act was to refinance Krispy Kreme.
So he ended the Good Depression.

With the zoos now open again, young Timothy Smith returned to Bluetown in a rage.
He was so mad at the monkeys for scaring him, he threw an old banana peel in their cage!
When Mr. Litter walked by later and saw that trash was ruining the monkeys’ day,
He climbed into their cage, got the banana peel, and promptly threw it away.
So he finished this story.

This was really funny, and I enjoyed it a lot.

I liked the format you chose. The four rhyming lines, then a short, blunt, unrhyming, funny line.

I think that you should add on to it. I don't have any suggestions as to what the rest would be about, but it should end by coming back to the Mr. Litter incident.

This poem was great. Work on it more, and see what comes out!